To the upcoming married women or to the women that are already married, below are some of steps to follow to having a happy marriage for their lifetime.
1. Look for someone with similar values
“For long-lasting love, the more similarity (e.g., age, education, values, personality, hobbies), the better. Partners should be especially sure that their values match before getting into marriage.
Although other differences can be accommodated and tolerated, a difference in values is particularly problematic if the goal is long-lasting love.
Another secret for a long marriage: Both partners need to commit to making it work, no matter what. The only thing that can break up a relationship are the partners themselves.”
2. Never take your partner for granted
“This may sound obvious, but you can’t imagine how many people come to couples therapy too late, when their partner is done with a relationship and wants to end it.
It is very important to realize that everyone potentially has a breaking point, and if their needs are not met or they don’t feel seen by the other, they will more than likely find it somewhere else.
Many people assume that just because they are OK without things they want so is their partner. ‘No relationship is perfect’ shouldn’t be used as a rationalization for complacency.”
3. Stop trying to be each other’s “everything”
“‘You are my everything’ is a lousy pop-song lyric and an even worse relationship plan. No one can be ‘everything’ to anyone. Create relationships outside The Relationship, or The Relationship isn’t going to work anymore.”
4. Do or say something daily to show your appreciation
“Saying and doing small, simple expressions of gratitude every day yields big rewards. When people feel recognized as special and appreciated, they’re happier in that relationship and more motivated to make the relationship better and stronger.
And when I say simple, I really mean it. Make small gestures that show you’re paying attention: Hug, kiss, hold hands, buy a small gift, send a card, fix a favorite dessert, put gas in the car, or tell your partner, ‘You’re sexy,’ ‘You’re the best dad,’ or ‘Thank you for being so wonderful.’”
5. Make sure you’re meeting your partner’s needs
“The number one thing I have learned about love is that it is a trade and a social exchange, not just a feeling. Loving relationships are a process by which we get our needs met and meet the needs of our partners too.
When that exchange is mutually satisfying, then good feelings continue to flow. When it is not, then things turn sour, and the relationship ends.
That is why it is important to pay attention to what you and your partner actually do for each other as expressions of love… not just how you feel about each other in the moment.”
7. Don’t forget to keep things hot
“Many times people become increasingly shy with the person they love the more as time goes by. Partners begin to take their love for granted and forget to keep themselves turned on and to continue to seduce their partner.
Keep your ‘sex esteem’ alive by keeping up certain practices on a regular basis. This allows you to remain vibrant, sexy, and engaged in your love life.”
6. Don’t just go for the big O
“Sex isn’t just about orgasms. It’s about sensation, emotional intimacy, stress relief, improved health (improved immune and cardiovascular system), and increased emotional bonding with your partner, thanks to the wonderful release of hormones due to physical touch. There are many more reasons to have sex than just getting off.”
8. Remove the pressure on performance
“The penis-vagina model of sex comes with pressures, such as having an orgasm at the same time or the idea that an orgasm should happen with penetration. With these strict expectations come a pressure on performance that ultimately leads many to feel a sense of failure and frustration.
Instead, try to expand your concept of sex to include anything that involves close, intimate connection with your partner, such as sensual massages, taking a nice shower or bath together, reading an erotic story together, playing with some fun toys… the possibilities are endless.
And if orgasm happens, great, and if not, that’s OK too. When you expand your definition of sex and lower the pressure on orgasm and penetration, the anxiety around performance dissipates and your satisfaction can escalate.”
10. Try a nicer approach
“Research has shown that the way a problem is brought up determines both how the rest of that conversation will go and how the rest of the relationship will go. Many times an issue is brought up by attacking or blaming one’s partner, also known as criticism, and one of the killers of a relationship.
It’s not what you fight about — it’s how you fight
“Researchers have found that four conflict messages are able to predict whether couples remain together or get divorced: contempt, criticism, stonewalling (or withdrawal), and defensiveness.
Together, they’re known as ‘The Four Horsemen.’ Instead of resorting to these negative tactics, fight fairly: Look for places where each partner’s goal overlaps into a shared common goal and build from that. Also, focus on using ‘I’ versus ‘you’ language.”
Communication is the key to a healthy relationship. However, many people aren’t certain what they should be communicating about. Spend time talking about a variety of topics to grow together as a couple and to prevent your relationship from becoming stale.
- Your Daily Activities
All of your conversations don’t have to be earth shattering. Spend time talking about your day-to-day activities. Discuss what time you woke up, what you ate for lunch, or what you discussed with a co-worker and help your partner understand what happens when you’re apart.
Talk about your budget. Discuss your saving and spending habits. If you combine your finances, set some financial goals and discuss strategies to help you reach those goals.
3. Places You Want to Explore
Start a conversation about the places you’d like to visit. Whether you want to travel to your grandmother’s house or you want to go on a cruise around the world, a discussion about travel can spark a lot of new conversation.
- Emotional Growth
Share some information about your emotional growth. If you notice you’ve become wiser, less reactive, or more compassionate, share that with your partner. Point out the emotional growth you see in your partner as well.
- Individual Goals
It’s healthy to have individual goals. Whether you want to lose weight, learn how to prepare Chinese food, or learn how to line dance, set some goals for yourself and discuss those goals with your partner.
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- Spiritual Beliefs
Start conversations about your spiritual beliefs. Be willing to listen to your partner’s beliefs and be open to talking about the similarities and differences in your beliefs.
- What You’re Watching on TV
Although watching TV isn’t an active way to grow together as a couple, discussing what you’re watching can help you learn something new about one another.
You don’t have to agree on politics in order to have a discussion about it. You can learn a lot about your partner if you have a conversation about politics. Any healthy relationship should allow each partner to feel respected enough to share an opinion, even if it opposes the other partner’s opinion.
9. Goals to Address as a Couple
Discuss the goals you want to reach together as a couple. All healthy relationships should include shared goals for the future. Whether your goal is to volunteer at a homeless shelter together or save enough money for a new car, working together to reach your goal can help you stay close as a couple.
- Your Past
Your partner doesn’t need to know every skeleton in your closet. However, sharing information about your past can be very helpful. Talk about your childhood, past experiences, or obstacles you’ve overcome. You can also share how much you’ve learned and changed over the years.
- Your Values
It’s important to share your values with one another. Talk about your priorities in life. It’s important for your partner to know how you feel about work, family, education, friends, and leisure time. Let your partner know what types of things you value the most and what changes you may want to make to ensure that you’re living according to your values
12. Your Dreams
Daydreaming together can be a great activity in any healthy relationship. Discuss dreams you had as a child, dreams you’ve let go, and dreams you still hold onto.
- Your Feelings
Of course, talking about your feelings is an important part of communication. Be willing to share your joys and sorrows with your partner. Also, be willing to talk about what makes you feel angry, when you’re disappointment, and when you feel embarrassed or hurt.
Whether you’ve got a close relationship with your family or not, talking about family can be important. It can give your partner an inside look at what type of childhood you had as well as what type of relationship you have with your family members. Discuss how you want your family to be different from your family of origin, as well as which aspects you want to replicate.
- Your Relationship
Discuss the aspects of your relationship that are working well and make sure to also discuss problematic areas. Talking openly about your relationship can ensure your relationship stays fresh and exciting.